Michael Buble - You don't know me (+playlist)

Twenty One years ago today................

November 14....2012...... Twenty one years that I have been in the wilderness solo......without my sweetheart.......Rhonda and I read the entire Book of Mormon and the steady and sure message you could count on was the participants going into the wilderness in between short bouts of righteousness .............And we kinda smiled about that....as it is so indicative of us all.........You must remember...when you are in the winter of your life......you have had time to process and mull over the favorable and delicious moments and the excruciating and mind-blowing moments...........Both of these are gifted to every person .........My sweetheart used to tell me....."Mom....Trouble will knock on every door sooner or later"......When I was a little girl I thought if I was good.....That knock would never come..........And I lived with that notion.....until the Lord thought I was really ready to enter the ring....that moment came.......and I was initiated into my own personal battle with my Goliath.......We each have our own... Sometimes we take on more battles than we need........Conquering your self....is the one that is essential..........then you can more easily digest the rest that is on your plate.........Sometimes our plate is brimming......that is the moment we go to our best friend...the Lord......and the peace comes and the comforter has his arm around your shoulder.........and the moment is saved until the next wave comes from out of nowhere.......comforting are the words....."He chastiseth those whom he loveth"..... Those words are more than comforting.......Those words are the bandaid for your heart that is broken..........The anti-biotic for a weeping soul......Whatever we have that is broken.......the Lord has the perfect fix......As it is prepared in heaven.... and he administers it personally........... Since the Lord prepared me.......and instructed that I must wear my armor at all times......Not only both my boxing gloves but also I need to alert every fiber of my being to the promptings of the spirit......That is my personal revelation from heaven........And I have to bear witness to you that we all have a safety net that surrounds us...if we attach ourself to it........It is there.......And it is the greatest feeling of warmth and ease that is possible to have on this earth......It is the Holy Ghost..........While it is with you.....you are heir to the closest thing to heaven possible for you to experience while still on the earth............ My life has changed dramatically..........But the changes themselves bear little weight to the intrusion of the peace that comes to you when you are taught by the spirit that you are where you should be.....doing what you are meant to do..... and the blessings that come are almost too enormous for a little gramas cottage ..... Yes............she is still waiting for her Farm BOY.....to rescue her from her wilderness.........not that it is for unrighteousness.......but that it is a place that she will never feel complete until she is re-united with her soul-mate..... " We have to find contentment in our allotment"....says Neal Maxwell..... I have.....and I am......and I will....until the Lord says.....I really ask for nothing only for my family...........They have been my life.......And I get great peace when I know.....that the Lord doesn't make mistakes.........I get strength from that...... and my testimony is what keeps me from sinking in that little rubber raft that I feel I am floating in .....My loneliness.....is a void filled with angels that I can feel but cannot see.........I know they are there......And it is the grace of heaven and my Heavenly Father that keeps on gifting me......I wonder so often......Why did the Lord pick me to find such a treasure of a man?......and then gift me with 5 volumes of scripture for me to learn about life?.........Those scriptures are my five beautiful children.......Who are the essence of what life is all about......They have been the Drama......the fun........the tears........the laughter....the danger....the mystery ..the beginning and the end of what I have become..........They have held my hand.... and reminded me of what I have learned..........This life is not about us....but it is about how quickly we can disappear from our own radar......How quickly we can forget ourselves and get invested in helping others........Is this not the Lords example to us?........Is he not to be our living example to follow?.......Is he not the greatest teacher that ever lived?........How lucky are we?......We don't have to guess about one single thing in life.....Even how to think?.....How to find answers?.....HOw to act?.........how to dress?......What to focus on?....What to avoid?......How to discern about everything?........That we can't find our security in people or things ......But in principles that never change.......People disappoint us and disappear and things wither into dust...or dry up and fade away........Principles that are born in truth are forever.....In other words ....Things that the Lord says to us.....are forever.....He will always be there for us......forever.........if we reach out to him ........Well........I felt on this day that is special to me....I could give to the ones that care.......a tiny mine-ute synopsis or just a glance into ...'Things that were...Things that have been....things that are.....tucked away down deep into the corners of the soul of one little Mom...grama....ggrama....who was given almost more love than she could handle for one life time........It is ironic.........that the very thing that almost destroys us is the very thing that pulls us in from drowning....... And that love that is God-given.... is the most precious thing a spirit can possess.... How fortunate was I?..........The luckiest little grama on earth....I hope and pray I can stand tall........that is a joke......I haven't been able to stand very tall for a number of years......I feel often like a pretzel when I walk......But I am working my foot cycle that Susan gave me.....and as long as I have the Holy Ghost and he is comfortable with me......I need not one thing......And I am so grateful....for the Lords goodness to me.......I thank him so many times a day for loving me so much.... It is time to wrap up this little footnote...are you smiling?.....I needed to vent.... You can only argue with yourself and your thoughts for so long......then you need to give it to time-out........hopefully....you will forgive me for sharing ..... Hang tough everyone..........We all are so blessed to live in this beautiful land of the free.......We are free .....That is what is important.....I love the word..... To my precious family........use your freedom wisely......You all know you can only maintain your freedom when you make correct choices.....Whatever captures us mentally or emotionally......takes us prisoner......anything except spiritually.....then it allows ua to climb upwards.....closer to the beauty that exists and radiates from heavenly things........Where there is the still of calmness and the majesty of silence that shuts out the harshness and brashness and evil of the world.....The Lord gave us all a ticket to Heaven........All he asks of us is our obedience and faith in him and his word..........How great to ....think of that reunion that will happen one day..... and with every chair filled.......no vacancies........This can happen......I know it can.............if we get off our 'Duffs'..........One foot in front of the other.... one step at a time........and if the 'bad guys' will stop trying to trip me?.....Do you too have this problem?.......I know......Satan has a huge following......and they won't leave us alone...........This time it is for real.......Kiora!........Dad says that word means whatever we want it to mean.........To you who look upon me favorably ......I say..."Jump aboard..we're off"......to you who look at me with disdain....I say.."Get thee lost"......Our goal is .....'Eternal Life'.....What can be better than that?........On this note I say 'Kiora'.......till next we meet....Grama Wonderful....

November 14 1991..........

When I said this is a quick note.......I lied......Pamper me......I am so
pathetic.......I am so trying to grow up.......maybe.....maybe...but...not yet!.....

Just a quick note.....This was a very significant day for me......I was
enjoying some of the best moments of my life.......Getting ready for Thanksgiving
and contemplating Christmas which was the day looked forward to every year....as
the highlight and brightest celebration we could experience as a family......A day
that culminated months of searching for that special gift for that special person...
to show our deepest feelings of love.......And I remember I squeezed my pennies so
tight to make them stretch as far as humanly possible.....After all....this was the
moment that was mine ......I had permission to bury my five little treasures...
so deep in gifts.....Even I was looking for them.......To make sure they didn't get
buried in my indulgence.....

.......Oh my gosh!......The exhileration that I felt in
my soul......to get to pawn over my little ones that I loved more than my own life......Was just unexplainable......Now....I thought to myself......"Did I do good?"........Could I have done more?.....Was I wise?........I was reassured by the
kindest man that ever lived...."Mom...You did good".......That's all I ever needed...Was that little approval from the one I loved......And he always gave it
to me..........My sweetheart knew me better than any one on earth......And he knew
how I loved to do and make merry for my little ones......I remember for one of my
Birthdays.........Dad said..."Mom......what can I give you that you want more than
anything?........and I said to him....."I want to buy each one of my kids something
........and wrap them up.......and surprise them.....".......He knew my heart...
and he knew what made me happy.......and he said....."Done".........It happened....

Looking back.......that was selfish of me.....I robbed them of the joy that
you receive from giving......But the point was......Dad let me do it.....Just because
he wanted me to be happy.....Bad Mom.....Good Dad........

He let me learn so many things on my own......rather than dictating to me....
I did learn a lot of things on my own.......because he allowed me the freedom to
make mistakes......Maybe that is why I have done medium-well by myself......

By that......I mean.......maintaining a solo life.....On the surface...
that is how it appears.......But on the inside........I feel like I don't belong
anywhere......I am being honest.....I feel welcome......Everyone is very kind to
me.......I can go anywhere and everyone is very sweet to me.......But the only place
I feel.......really comfortable is here.......I feel ownership in a way.....This
was ours together.......and it still is the only place I feel I am not leaving prints
on someone elses life.........I am not out of place here........I can deal with
being one.........I have a hard time with three......or I don't want to be an
add-on.........The husbands of my children are all very cordial to me......But
husbands......want complete ownership .......and a lonesome Mom in the picture....
represents maybe wanting more than they are willing to share........And I above
all don't want my shadow in a dark light in their home.........

Nothing in the world.......can interfere with the bond I have in my heart
.......for my birth children......Nothing can cut the cord.....It will be there...
till the eternities and then on from there.........But it is a silent connection
that always will exist....This is a mothers love......second to none only Gods.......

But I think you all have always known of my love for you.......But what I
didn't know then........Was how difficult it would be to be without my support
system.......I didn't know how weak I was.....not weak spiritually......My
spiritual strength kept me from drowning..........But weak.....dealing with others
.........knowing how to put gas in my tank........yeah!.....I would go to a gas
station where they washed your windows......Yeah!....they did that.....But little
by little.....as each day passed.......I grew a little stronger......and a little
lonelier also........This is the worst......to be alone.....yet I would never ever
even in my mind think about someone elses shoes under my bed.....Mercy!.....He
was the only one I ever wanted.......and to this day.......I'll take alone......
Thank you very much!.............

But the Christmas's get harder and harder......And I gradually want to be
by myself more.........I don't want to show the tears.......I have so much to be
greatful for..............And I have a really hard time seeing the snow scenes and
little houses all lit up for Christmas.....and little children all excited....And
the old fashioned scenes where there is an old fashioned horse and buggy in a
country scene.......and Christmas trees and presents.......I did at first try to
be the same.....buy presents for everyone......and do and buy.....but...at first
I thought I was coming close.....It was convenient to go to Susans house...I didn't
want to interrupt your little family Christmas's.......Then I realized......
it took too much time .....[to unwrap all my presents]......

. ..I didn't realize at first.....then as I thought about it......I was taking away from their time together.......So...then plan B.............
I had no plan B........I tried having you all come to Rhondas one
year......but that wasn't so good.....Everyones family is so big now.....and last
year I had you each come to my house one family at a time...but that was not exactly
the same.....Christmas is a time for togetherness........And it is right that you
all have your little things according to your plans......I found that I could buy
and wrap all my little things....but getting them to you......was the headache.....
Then last year I decided to have my kids come over and take my little gifts home
with them for all the grand kids.......and you could give them out.......and you
wouldn't need to make an extra trip over...........Ok now this year....Be at ease....I am not requesting anything but for you to know how much I love you all............

There is 30 grand kids.....and nearly 50 ggrandkids......And this number makes me
feel simply tremendous.........If you weren't happy as children or had a disdain
for a lot of family......You wouldn't be having them at all.....You have made me
extremely happy and rewarded.....You all have did good at Christmas and made it so
your kids wanted a big family........You are all excellent mothers...and you have
all loved Christmas........but another thing.........

....Granpa did something right.........He just
knew how to love in a way that was full of enthusiasm.......And when you see
something or someone that is doing it right.......It kinda makes you want to have
what they had........Granpa loved his get togethers.......He loved people......all
people........he loved strangers.....He would walk up to anyone with a tan skin...
and say..."Kiora".......The island people know what that means.......I keep gettng
off track.......But I have always been off track.....Well not completely....My
relationship with my Heavenly Father is the one thing that sustains me.....I have
surrendered my life....my soul...my spirit.....my will......to him.......I try to
focus only on things of an eternal nature.....

I have a few problems....I can hardly see......I have to sit up real
close to the TV now....Driving is only for necessity....I can't read...I get severe
headaches.......I am wabbly when I walk......I am severely light headed....I feel
safe close to home......It is better I don't wander too far.....I have to avoid
getting too stressed.....I have bells palsy when my nerves have too much freedom...
I have to keep them in tact.....I also break out in hives or a rash....if I am really upset .....I have a cough that would choke a horse....and I cough incessantly
.........It bugs me to death.....so I can imagine how it is to listen to me...I
get really teed off with people that cough........But it is also embarassing to me...
The people in front of me in church got up and moved....I coughed so hard.......Really ...Is that not a pretty picture?...........

.......Yes....I am a retarded Basket Case....I have no excuse...
I tried to give you a Mom that was perfect......But suck it up!.....we take what we
are given......and find contentment with our allotment......I was given you...right?
and you all lived......I think..........Get a life and stop growling.........If
things go well........we will all make it.....somewhere.....are you smiling?......

..But I have no pain....well....that is kind of a lie.......I have five pains......
But they are with me........in a place.......where they are safe.....
.

I feel that if I take care of myself.......and not cause anyone problems...
I will be doing the best I can do for everyone....

And so to my family........Aside from my feeling very melancholy today....
My greatest wonderment I have.....Is "Why the Lord has been so good to me?"......
I have been working up to be just average my whole life........Never felt that I
was much more........And then one day ....I was minding my own business.......when
.I met this really cute guy......and even more strange than that....our eyes met....
And he wasn't a girly guy.......He was a big macho tuff sports guy......But I think
the heavens intervened.......There were sparks from heaven that were flashing.....
each time we passed in the hall..........He was so bashful.....He had his buddy
come over and ask me for a date?..........Honest....He was so timid......and shy....
He wouldn't talk for the longest time........He would call me on the phone..and all
he would say is..."What....or Huh?"............He would walk over to see me all
the way from Blair Street ........over to my house......He had no car......And
sometimes we would take the trolly up town......or walk in the rain.....I loved
those days.........I was the first girl he ever asked on a date......and I was his
only girl friend period.......[In name of Jesus Christ Amen]..........

Forgive me......I keep going back ....don't I?".......What I was thinking
to say to you all.........this Christmas.......Surprise!.....No CD from Michael....

Lets exchange something this year......That you can't buy for all the money in the
world........That is.... lets exchange feelings of love to one another.....I don't
mean love that is expressed in a gift or on a piece of paper.......But a love that
is felt deep in your heart........the kind of love that is expressed in a prayer....
Lets love each other so much.......that we will pray for one another every single
time we kneel at our beds........That is a gift worthy of the birth of the savior
for whom this day was set aside to celebrate.......and one that can be felt each
and every second for the rest of our lives.........

This could possibly be the greatest gesture towards healing the hurts in our
family........that is possible for us......We have so many in our family that have
broken hearts......broken families.......hurts that can't be mended......that ....
there is only one source.......that can know real pain........and only one that we
can go to and ask for help.........And that is the one that gave us life......and
that gave us each other.......and that gave us this heart of ours to know and
see truth.........and that is......There is only one that is in control of all
things.......And that he doesn't make mistakes......But he waits upon us to depend
on him for help......He is there 24/7........

This is my wish and my prayer for this Christmas.......that we turn our
hearts to heaven.......and kneel and ask for our loved ones.....And pray that he
will help us soften our hearts to those who have made mistakes..... that we will
try our best to help each other.......Maybe just with a kind word......Let each
other know......we walk beside them .....no matter how down they are....To each
of us......we have something to give........maybe not means?........maybe give a
small part of ourselves.......Swallow the pride that reigns in the world......
Every man made tragedy that exists has its roots drowning in pride........C.S.Lewis
said.....Instead of being one in purpose....the same......We want to be different
He says......being different denotes dissention......

Wow!......Look at our world......Just how far are we away from what the
Lord wants us to be.......We are about .....Fashion.....the latest.....the newest
car?.......the latest ipod?...the biggest house?........The best figure?....We
want to be better.......not the same........The Lord wants us to be the same in
purpose........to love the same.....to love righteousness......to love each
other...........To love him.....To love people .....not things........

Ok.......I keep sliding off the subject........But I kind of feel...on
this day.......a special day for me......when such a big part of my heart went
to heaven with my sweetheart.......I could maybe take a few liberties......and
just for this day......pour out my heart and soul to you.......

Nothing on the face of this earth matters......If the Lord is not your
best friend........He will guide your thoughts....He will bless you with the
power of descernment.......He will caution you when you are in danger.....He
will give you a feeling of uneasiness when you are approached by someone who is
about to harm you......He will warn you with a stupor of thought.......He will
let you know when you have forgotten ........that certain things alarm the spirit....
and cause him to leave....He will make you feel uncomfortable for a reason.......
But he will also.......grant you a heavenly peace that you can't receive in any
other way.........only from the spirit......He is the only one that can give you
a calm.......and a feeling that all is well.........

I felt impressed to do this.......And reading it is optional......As is
life.........I can only pray that you might accept my feelings on this melancholy
day......in the spirit that it is sent........I am in the winter of my life.....And
yours is just the spring........Learn early .......before you enter the fall....
how you can find peace .......You have to have it to survive......Most of the time
you spend your entire life searching for what you already have ........The only
thing that needs changing.......is the way you think.........You are already rich....
Because you all were given everything you will ever need to enter the celestial
realm.........You just have to realize it............You are only in need of
time to kneel.......and ask your father in heaven ...to touch your heart........

Please Be Happy........It is a decision...........Love........Mom....Gram

Merry Chritmas to all my beautiful grandchildren...and all my ggrandchildren
to all my treasures.....and their chosen........to their families.....we are an
eternal family..........I couldn't possibly love you more........well.....I was
going to rethink that.......But Be Happy......Be wise.....Be prayerful........

Mom............

To Gramas Treasures

I have waited for this moment........and it is here.......

When I was a little girl.........maybe even before I was in grade school.....It must
have been planted in me ...before I left heaven.......by someone who loved me.....
a lot.....because the phrase was always on my mind....always....I was never told this
by my parents....nor anyone else.....But the words were these...."Seek ye first the
kingdom of heaven.....and all else shall be granted to you"......And they were so
engraved on my mind.....literally.....that I spent all my young years.....thinking
.....All I ever had to do was be good.....and it was easy for me.....because .....I
don't know why....but I just was never tempted....it wasn't exciting for me....that
little voice within all of us.....was so on the straight and narrow.....For years
.....I was actually brain washed by these words.....This life is going to be a breeze
.......all I have to be is good......and it came so easy for me....It was my
comfort zone......And I love my comfort zone...in fact to everyone who has ever met
me......they know how true these words are.......

I had temptations around me......I didn't live in a glass house......My
parents occasionally went to a bar for a beer......they had hootch under the sink...
they drank coffee.....when I was little.....but to me coffee smelled like dirty dish
water.......Yuck!.....never did I ever even taste it......Neither of them ever smoked
....my Dad had a good mind......and enough sense to know smoking was a killer.....

I am just going to hit the highlights.......because in reality.......any
one who read about my life.....might wonder if this strange eighty lady......would
actually live long enough to tell her tale.......Surprise!.......here I am.......Spilling maybe more than I should .......

The important things are.......How I came to be me......Through my young
years......I always had a strong voice inside of me....But also I had a strong voice
in my home......He couldn't hear......but we were all afraid of him.....In hind sight
....I can see....that is an advantage to children.......to have something that keeps
the doors from swinging open to every living thing that exists.......Our home is
supposed to be a replica of heaven........We had and have restrictions in heaven.....
they should be in our home as well........and they should be enforced by the one
holding the priesthood.......My parents were married in the temple......in 1925...
the Salt Lake Temple......They always wore garments.......but the cotton ones....

The basic structure was always there.....But like so many mormon homes....
The spirit so often was not........But I was always my own little person.....and
I grew up .....The atmosphere was so different then......the girls were not aggressive....we were never allowed to mention the word sex......It wasn't even
thought of......not in my circle of friends........I was out playing hopscotch....
I got the blue ribbon......I was the best......I was a monkey on the tricky bars....
They had them at school......and I rushed every recess to get first on the tricky
bars.......The boys then were playing marbles......and soccer and not interested
much in anything else......girls were sissy stuff..........

My Dad always got us practical things......when we got anything..It had
to have a useful purpose....He bought Connie and I tennis rackets when we were in
Junior High.....It was good excersize.....I got pretty good....Connie and I played
quite a bit......we walked up to the courts......we only had one car....my Dad used
for work......I went swimming ......to my best memory....I always went alone.....up
to Fairmont Park...it was free.....On Monday it was ice cold but clean.......and
each day after that it got a little warmer...and a little dirtier.....on Saturday....
it was very warm and very familiar from a weeks swimming......they changed the water
once a week.......I also tumbled with a group.......mr. Fairbanks......we did tricks
......and had engagements where we performed.....and when I was in the fourth grade.....My dad made me from wood .....my own skiis......there up in the christmas
room.......He built the first Ski Lodge at Alta.....and he got an interest in skiing.......We started to go skiing .......He wanted to go on Sunday.....but I didn't feel good about that......anyway....I got fairly good....I had a lot of dare
in me........That was my entrance in the world of sports.........

When I was in the second grade......My Dad announced to Connie and I that
we were to play the violin........We ....neither of us wanted to....but my Dad wanted
that for us......We started when I was 7 years old....and took lessons until I
graduated from South at 17.........for 10 years.....we had to practise one hour
every single day.....On Saturday we had to practise 2 hours...and in the summer.......we had to practise 2 hours every day...........One morning when we
lived in the lean to house....a little shack near the alley.......I fainted while
practising.....fell on top of my violin.....and broke it in a million pieces.......My Dad had another violin for me the very next day........We hated the
violin.....He promised connie and I if we took violin lessons for one year......after
that we could take anything we wanted.......I wanted to take the Steel guitar....and
Connie wanted to play the piano.......Well he never kept his promise........And we
continued to play....He never once in his life came to watch us play.......he couldn't hear.......but he made us practise........When I was in Jr. High.....I was
concert mistress in the orchestra.....and our orchestra had a concert.....It was
really a big deal.....I had to memorize this really hard piece.....It was Hejre Kati
.........and I had to stand up there on the stage all by myself.......and play from
memory this violin solo..........I was really scared.....and nervous..I had to walk
up to Irving Jr. High which was on 21st south and 13thEast.....in the night time.....
all by myself.........no one from my family came.......But my grama Hope.......
She knew nothing about music.....but she gave me a love......and said I did good....
I walked home all my myself.......in the dark.....it was about 10 o'clock in the
night..............We were not pampered children.......So much was expected of us...
I had to make my own dress to wear at the concert.......I remember that night.....
so well......there was so much work on my part.....I had to stay after school for
weeks and practise with our orchestra teacher.....Mr.Linneman........
....it had to be near perfect.....I
didn't forget any of it.......but what I remember was......after it was over......
Nothing.......I guess ....maybe I had hoped for a tiny reward....like "Well done
daughter".......nothing.........Zilch..........Is it any wonder I had zero self esteem...........But I remember it didn't startle me.......We never got much comment
about anything really.........No massaging ...........We played duets a lot in church
.......no one came............You can tell we played a lot......Our name is on a
lot of programs........I played a violin solo when Dad went on his mission.....
I mention this.......because it had a lot to do with the discipline I have always
had...............I got it from the way I was raised........But I have also fought
a good self image and self esteem my entire life........We never did anything good
enough......My report card was one time.....straight A's.....and I got one B.....
My Dad remarked ..."Why the B"?.........I remember I just walked away........

I knew what to expect......and I was seldom wrong.....But I don't hold any
bad feelings......I gave them away a long time ago.....I realize they did the very
best they were capable of giving..........Can you expect any more?........What
they were able to give us......was about par with what they got from their parents..........

I remember once when I was a young Mother living on Oakmont......that I
read....if you are worried about not being the perfect parent as usually every
young mother is.........Remember if you make them feel loved......and if they feel
secure in their little home.......They will grow up and change themselves......
You can't be the perfect parent......but you can give them perfect love......and
make them feel they are secure........

It took me a long time........after I was married to realize .....This life
was not going to be a breeze.......There was a lot more to it.....than meets the eye
of a young person in love......Even when you know you have met the right one....
And you do all the right things for the right reasons......We are not favored in any
way when the trials of life are passed out to each of us........We have to continue
to take our hits.....and sometimes they come so fast and furiously........we don't
duck at the right moment........

But I have also realized.....that our hardest hits are our greatest blessings........Having lived the years......the bruises and the wounds that you
wear through your countenance........will stay and be your strength that will get
you through the next fire you have to walk through........We don't get to jump over
anything in this life........We have to walk through it.....we have a few scars....
but this life is the moment for being beaten down......wounded and stripped at times
of our dignity........that we often have to shed for the ones we love......And we
do it willingly.......as we should........as did Jesus.....on the cross.....for us....He was at his lowest peak........and then it comes........Those few words....
that completely are words written in gold......"Seek ye first the kingdom of Heaven
and all else shall be added unto you".........The only words I can think of that
surpass any other thought ever spoken...........

These words.......didn't mean .....Your life will just sail without any
opposition......But rather they tell us how to survive.....anything this earth has
to offer us.............To me........they mean......There is nothing in this life
of mortality.......that has any significance outside of these words.......They mean
.........To you as a single entity.......and a spirit unto yourself......No thing
on the face of this earth........has more meaning......than seeking the Lord and
making him your best friend........Nothing......No one........

At the moment of birth.........we are drawn to love.....because we have just
left Heaven where love had its birth........I imagine the Lord has pondered
extensively......how best to test his children..........Placing them here on earth...
in a strange place........learning how we all learn... who to trust.....by sometimes
being fooled .........by injustice.......by trickery.........but in the process
of growing up.........finally realizing.....the one that sent us down here.......
would never leave us completely alone.........Until we are eight......we are
protected.......by the presence of heaven......and when we turn eight.....we are
given the Holy Ghost.......which is ........to me the greatest gift ever even
possible for a lonely little soul to possess.........But we aren't fully aware of
its power......even when others tell us.......There seems to have to be a need for
divine intervention......before we know what this power is........I can only tesify
to you.......that it is the greatest thing that any living person on earth....can
witness feeling.........It is the one thing that I confess .......is the most
precious thing on earth to me........It has saved my soul.....It has filled my heart
so full.......that I think it will burst.......It has power not of this life.....
But it is a gift........that if you possess it.......it will not matter if the whole
earth is swallowed up.......

If you have made the Lord the center of your universe......and trust in him....And if you can whether the storms of this mortality......as just a test.....
which they are........You will have the peace of angels in your heart........

What prompted me to write this was......the other day I watched on the BYU
channel........About Nathan Eldon Tanners life........It was so interesting....that
I couldn't turn away........This man......was really a very special man.....and
every one wanted to be by him...have a piece of him.....be where he was....listen
to what he had to say.......Besides being a billionaire......he was a Mormon.....
people wanted to know about Mormons because of him..........anyway.....one day his
grandson...[told by his grandson].....said to Grampa ....."What does it take to be
successful?".............And this is what was said to grandson........from grampa....
"Seek ye First the Kingdom of Heaven......and all else will be granted to you"....
those were his words...........He had learned ........through the same process that
all of us are learning.....right and wrong.....that there is only one way.......
And it so impressed me.......because it was those golden words that I had lived
with when I was really young........and It really confirmed to me again.....that
the Lord must have loved me a lot......I think I had a divine calling.......It
wasn't the one I had planned.......or would have chosen......But now......I have
completely surrendered whatever I might have wished for or dreamed of......I only
want to be in favor with the Lord.....I want him to be happy with me......And I am
honest enough to know I have no idea what I would have chosen for a perfect life....
But I am strong enough to surrender my wants....dreams.....wishes...everything I
have is the Lords.........Then and only then will it be in good hands........I am
just not smart enough......nor do I know enough....but I am smart enougth to know
how much I lack in knowledge.....intelligence.....in ways of the Lord.......And what
ever he has in store for me........His will is mine..........

We get so caught up in current events........Sports?......famous people?
things that happen to us........births......deaths.......celebrations.....elections
...........I love what Neal Maxwell said......."These are all just events"....I
love that........The important thing in this life.......Is that we have our head
on straight........And know we came from Heaven........We are here for a couple of
days......and then for eternity .....if ....we will go back to heaven.....in that
place we have earned while being here on earth.....In a perfect place like
heaven can we have liars.....cheaters......robbers.....killers......I think not.....
For it to be the perfect celestial presence......the ones there have to pretty
good folks.............That makes sense.......Whether they are our relatives or not...We all have to abide by the same rules...........

It seems simple.......we learn when we are small......a red light means stop.
......and green light means go.......Our whole life is governed by rules......we
have to obey..........But......here comes the catch.....The important rules to
learn and that really matter are the ones made in heaven by our Father in Heaven.....
The earthly rules...are the Lords rules also...............But the
Lords rules govern which plane we live on........Do we want to live with ......our loved ones?...those are the important ones........ Our heavenly laws are sometimes a little bit different......because ......they are harmful to us....if we are sick
it makes for misery......We are meant to be happy......and someone loves us enough
to tell us.....which things to avoid that will tear our body apart..........and
we resent it?.........

I think we need so badly to live right so we will be worthy of spiritual
help.........We need faith to believe.......and it is a spiritual gift......It is
like which comes first.....the chicken or the egg.......You need one to have the
other........Thus our beginning.......we have extra help in the beginning when we
are young.......like I mentioned......until we are eight......It is so important
that little ones.........learn in those young years ....The only way to be happy....
is never from disobeying........always to listen to that little voice within......

I think I have hit on the most important things.......But I cannot emphasize
enough.......what Mom and Dad do.......Is written in indelible ink in the minds of
children........But........even if you make mistakes........which you will........
You can make sure they feel loved......and security is discipline.....they have to
know their limits..........We do with the Lord?........One of the hardest things in
this world to grow past is having been given every living thing when you were little........Sorry........But....I heard a stake president say one time.......
Every one has to want ............Children have to want......in order for them to go out and get it........And I believe that.........The ones in the world that have
made it.......have wanted it pretty bad......most of them came from very little......

Don't expect thanks from your kids for going without to give it to them....They don't respect you any more for it.........it's true..........Parents
do it.......because their love is so great.......You will love your kids 10 times
more than they will ever love you........Don't feel bad.......Its been this way
from the beginning of time......

Children..........Words of Wisdom.......

Always stick up for you in-laws.......Your own will forgive you........

If you can solve all your problems with money......You are rich indeed.....

Granma Nielsen........"Teach your kid how to fight or how to run"........

Granma Nielsen......"When scrubbing the floor.....Take care of the corners first and
the middle will take care of itself".......

Grama Nielsen had 9 renegade sons....but she always said...."But Honey....they were
all such good fathers......they all loved their kids"

Gram Nielsen........when watching Mort heave in the toilet after having
too many rootbeers.....she said..."Heave your guts out...good on you"

Gram Nielsen.......When we were first married.....she would call me up every day....
wanted to be best buds....and one day I said."I'm not too happy today
Wally spent thirteen dollars on a fishing pole and went fishing with
his brothers....he hates to fish.........She said to me......."Oh Honey
aren't you happy he isn't spending time after work in a bar for a beer"

Grama Nielsen.....One day Grama fell when stepping off the trolley.....and she sued
them for injuries....She got $250.00......Grampa got hold of it......and
went and bought a piece of crap for a car......she was furious......She
put an add in the paper.....and some guy came and offered to buy it..
He was a smart-alec....and said to her as he handed her the check...This
check is good as long as you don't try to cash it.....Grama said back
to him....."This car is good as long as you don't try to run it"......
They exchanged wishes.....and he went out and the car wouldn't start...
They had to get someone to tow it off the driveway..........

Grama Nielsen.......was the funniest person I ever knew......and I know of no one
that I loved more.......I couldn't stop crying when she died...I thought
my heart would break........

Grama Nielen.....She said to me.....If you let Wally go on his mission......I will
love you like my own daughter....I looked at her.......Is this woman
thinking?.If wally goes on this mission....he will be a better husband
to me......and a better father to my children........Where is her mind?
I would be the ones who gains......and I have and I did.......

Grama Nielsen......always saw the best in everyone......She always loved me......cuz
I helped her boy to be the best he could be........and I don't know how
he could have been a better person.......He was so married to the Lord
and his calling....I had to fit myself into his life the best I could.
But that in itself helped me adjust...to my twenty years I have been
alone......If you are married to a good man......you have to share him
with so many people.........And Pres. Faust said.....when you marry a
prince of a man......you lose a prince of a man........but I wouldn't
have wanted him any different than what he was......Those are the
reasons I fell in love with him..........This is our belief system...
You help your husband be the best he can be.....and then you stand
beside him.....This is the order of Heaven........And I deem it the
greatest privelege of my life......to have found such a righteous man
And what ever he earns will be for both of us........

I think I might want to write a little more later.......but it is kinda my way of
letting you all know......a little of my life......I don't know if I can ever go into
full detail......of all things......But Grama Nielsen was a bright light in my life......And of all her ten children.....Wally was the only Missionary........And
you all know of wallys dad and his mission..........that was another story for another day...........Also very inspiring..........maybe later...........but for
now maybe this is it..........

I think the Lord has more of a hand in our life than anyone knows......We
think everything is our choice?.......If we are living right....he will guide our
destination here and there......the exact circumstances that we need for our own
growth....He knows our weaknesses.....and how we can correct them.........The Lord
is truly the best friend we will ever have.....But it takes us so long to really
know that in our heart.......Why does it take so long for us to know how much the
Lord loves us?.........And he wants so little of us really.......Just to depend
on him......and trust him.......and have faith in him........and know that when
things happen.......it is for a reason......always the test......And the reason
for the test?......Is because he really loves us and wants us to come back home....
Think of our own children.........How we wait for and miss them while they are gone?
We can't hardly breathe when they are out of our sight........He is the same....
But he is more disciplined and patient........and knows we are mostly slow learners.......But he will wait and wait and wait........and never leave us.......
How lucky are we?.......to be loved so much?.........Now I must go for awhile......
But I will be back..........Love Mom......Grama........Grama wonderful......Grama
Tiki......Sug........Grama Christmas.........Grama Sugar pants.......

P.S.........One day when we have tried to be everything to everyone.....we
will realize that we are just one little person........And it is just impossible.
.......That is when truly words of wisdom make so much sense to you.......That is
if your focus is on celestial things........every other thing will fall into place....Because.....simply........nothing else really matters.........

Pres David Christensen......."The closer I come to my savior the less hurt
mortality has for me"...........

Pres. Boyd Packer....."The only things that should concern us are things
of a celestial nature"...........

These have always helped me.......I hope they help you as well............Gram....

Continued.....

I have tried going back when I was younger.....But that isn't the part I
want to share with you....It was when my life began....when I met Dad.....There was
a new light that entered my life.....It was like I saw the Sunshine for the first time.......Like the curtain was open....And the light shone in.....And I had a twinkle in my eye that wasn't there before......How many people feel a twinkle?....
It's so hard to explain.....But looking back now....There is only one answer ....
There was divine intervention early for some reason for me.....Not that my
life had some glorious purpose.....But that what I was given in heaven....was an
assignment I was to share with someone else.....Because when I became acquainted with
this blonde haired boy ....whose hair was so thick he had to have it thinned when he
went to the Barber.....My life was never the same.....It was just something I knew....as well as I knew that 2 and 2 was 4.......
Another thing that was strange.....was that how I first noticed him....
was one day in School....South High School.....Our eyes met....walking down the hall.......And then...it was like....MMmmmm!......And then again.....later on our
eyes met again.......And then I was inquisitive....And I started asking my friends...
who this boy was.....We had never spoke......They all told me.....That were in any of his classes......That he was an athlete.....and he hung around with all the
guys who played sports...........No one knew much more than that......He had never
asked a girl out on a date.....ever..........But anyone who knew him said....He was
a cut-up.......And he was always making everyone laugh...........One of my friends...
said.....that he was in one of her classes......On several of the days when the girl
cheerleaders were excused to practise..............He would just get up and leave
with them.......Mrs. Christensen who was the teacher.....liked Wally and she smiled
and knew he was a prankster.....and just let him go.....She called him Wallace.....
And my friend said he got away with murder in that class.....Because Mrs. Christensen
liked him............
There are a couple of funny stories I have to share about South High.....
The principal of the school was Miss Dyer.......And remember some of Dads brothers
went to South before him.....And one was his brother Bill.....Well Bill was somehow
one of Miss Dyers proteges.....He was a high honor student and excelled in all the
right things that pertained to school......He went to University of Utah with high
honors and went in the Military and was a Lieutenant Governor in the Navy....He enlisted for life.....and that was his career.....But ended up being very good
friends with Miss Dyer.....They were just good friends....Bill married Pam who was
an Australian.....and had a lot of money....But couldn't take it out of the country.....So they kept going to Australia and bought jewelry to bring here....that
was the only way they could get their money out......Anyway....Miss Dyer and Bill
and Pam became very good friends later on in their life.....They spent a lot of time
together..........In fact...Bill was also good to Grama Nielsen.....He gave her thirty dollars a month for the rest of her life.....That was a lot then....It sounds
tiny now just mentioning it.....But he honored his Mother.....Even tho he always
smoke and drank.....and died of Cancer......Grama Ruth always spoke highly of Bill......If you guys remember when we lived on Meadow Moor Road......Dad and I had
Bill and Pam with the rest of the family over for a party......And Dad wouldn't
let them smoke in the house .....they went outside.....And I didn't own a coffee
pot....and they said....They would never come to our house again.....And they never
did...............That wasn't the story I meant to tell you.....But was a little bit
of history........In fact I have a real pearl.....or something that is really worth
a lot in my jewelry droor.....that she gave all the girls....We were to have it made
into a necklace or a ring.....But I never did....It cost too much......

Anyway....I wanted to tell you of Miss Dyer because she is part of the
funny store I wanted to tell you about Dad.......She became acquainted with the family because of Bill.....so she knew about Dad....and kinda watched out for him.....Well.....One day.....It was snowing.....And Dad couldn't find a coat to wear
to School....{ South }.....An Grama made him wear Laverns coat ...and it had a fur
collar.....to school.......Well some kid made fun of Dad....And Dad was a fighter....
and Dad beat him up ...broke his nose and knocked out his two front teeth.....Well
when this kid got to school....he went into the principals office..[Miss Dyers}...
and told him Wally had beat him up.......In the meantime wally had reported to his
home room class......When all of a sudden....Over the loud speaker....came.....this
call....."Will Wallace Nielsen report to the principals office?".....Dad went in
and....of course....Dad told her the story....And Miss Dyer knew that the family
was struggling because she had helped Bill with finances in going to Utah....and then
on to his profession.........and she said to Dad...."Now Wallace....what is this I
hear about you?".....And after she heard the story......She understood....Dad was
a stud athlete wearing his sisters fur coat to school........But grama Nielsen was
just a doll.........She loved her boys....And didn't want pride to get in the way
of their getting the sniffles......I loved her so much......That was only one of the
funny stories......This is long now.....so I will finish later........

Lovin ya all..............Mom....Grama Tiki...Grama Wonderful.....

"As you Wish"..continued...........

You have caught me at a moment when I feel like a freshly squeezed orange......No Juice!..............But .....Do I know how to kick this feeling?....Let's see........what are my options?.....A Fernwood Fresh Lime Coke?.......Mmmmm....,No that is off the list.....Carbonated drinks retain the water.........How about a Crystal lite ?.....Nope....that has Aspartame artificial sweetener which harms the bladder..........Lets see.....Oh what I wouldn't give for a Artic Circle Cheeseburger with onions and French Fries with that Fry Sauce?..............I would kill for that.......I'm afraid not....Those fries you wear on your already gigantic hips and the hamburger is just so moorish......Nope not that......Well maybe...... I have always adored ice cream.....with cashews.....and fresh strawberries........The nuts are wicked in calories.....The strawberries are bathed in sugar.....and the ice cream?....If I want to break out in hives?..........I have lactose intolerance.....
......A taco?..........Its the cheese....sorry.....I swear......by every thing that is holy......Everything I love..... Is forbidden..........
......My forever favorite is potatoe chips......and Harmons Onion Cheese Ball.......I could eat that for Breakfast and again for lunch......and then .....Oh delight again for night meal................
Right now.......this problem is fighting for first place in my list of Goliaths.............I am so entitled.......At any rate......Just wanted to set the stage and explain why today is a Bugger...................And is this not proof that we most often reach for food when we are considering standing in front of a truck?......................But one place I know......that I can find some calmness is when I take a moment.....Turn everything off.......No music......No Tv.....Ho nothing.......And realize how golden is the quiet........And I have started to love the quiet.......It is when the motor we run on.......feels it can relax.......There is no rush..........It is the quiet when we know we are spiritual beings living in a strange place......where we are having a struggle trying to figure it all out.....But it is when...........we turn off the world.......and listen.....that we hear the whisperings of the spirit.....They are trying to contact us......maybe for an urgency......maybe a warning.......maybe an answer to something we have been praying about............But it is not too often.......that we reserve those moments when they can get through the veil......................But they are there just the same.....The Lord promised us that he would walk with us.......And that he would carry our burdens.....And that he would never leave us alone...............If the Lord feels bad about anything.....It is that he has offered us so much...........But we turn him down......He wants us to depend on him.....When a tragedy strikes........Who do we call first?.................That was a statement made by Neil Maxwell.......That the Lord feels really bad when he offers his hand and we ignore it.....Now I think I have vented.......and can get on with things.......Besides enough about food........The Dragon.......And I also want to be pretty and thin when I meet Dad.....I am on my fourth day of Cindys diet....Isagenix...........Pray for me.............
I have been a chunk since I was born...........We walked to school and passed Snelgroves and that great Doughnut shop.......An ice cream for a nickel?........And I really did always feel that I was the fat girl.............But sometimes......I just threw caution to the wind....and had an ice cream .....
and had a doughnut.........I was active enough.......When we were little we lived down a ways from Fairmont Park.....and they had a swimming pool..........I walked every single day up to the park in the summer....to swim......alone......Monday was freezing......Tuesday was a tiny mark off freezing....Wednesday was a little better.....Thursday was getting more pleasant.......Friday was warmer but not as warm as Saturday.......But it also had the whole weeks worth of people perfume............It was rather ragged on Saturdays.....But I went any way.....
It was free...............Free was in.......And you couldn't beat free.......And I
also was part of a tumbling group......There were about 7 or 8 of us.....And we
went around with a Mr. Fairbanks and performed.......Then I played tennis...a lot....
And I skiied......Loved to ski....And I entered the Alta Snow Cup .....one year....
I had no fear until I married and had a baby.....And then I was more reserved in
the things I attempted.....But I remained a chunk......But I had strong legs because
I was always active..........My life was really quite uninteresting.....until I
met Dad..........Then I began living......Really and truly....I started to feel alive.....for the first time.......And my life began the moment we met......

Well....I think I might end for now.....till later.....all my love
.......................Gram.....and Mom.....and grandma Tiki....grandma wonderful....

"As you wish"..........

I still am just waiting for my "Farm Boy"......to come and get me.....As per Leslies request
...I may try her suggestion.....and see how it goes.......She has no History ?.......I think she means....to tell her children of what it was like then ......for Dad and I....and how we managed
to keep from drowning.........And how it was when we started out to conquer the world.....On
our large dowry we started out with ......In dollars....that amounted to....Zilch!..............In fact
........Connie and I paid for our own wedding........We had a double wedding........Wally and Howard both grew up on the same street....Blair Street....where the kids either went to prison
or on Missions.......They both went to New Zealand on their missions.....And married sisters.....
......We both married in the Temple........We made our own wedding dresses.........We had no car......Wally had no job......I did.....And we had no honeymoon.............Connie and Howard went
to the Hotel Utah for their honeymoon.......But we went to our little 40 dollar a month
apartment.......and that was the beginning...........I worked at First Security Bank....and I made
a Hundred and sixty five dollars a month.......Because I remember I paid sixteen dollars and
50 cents tithing.................But.......those were just the details.........I loved that guy.....so much....
and we got married two weeks after he got home from his mission.........Nothing like planning
everything down to the last detail.........We had nothing .........except we had everything that
counted.......Each other...........And I had waited all ready 4 years.......That was enough......But
We were both beyond happy..............We lived on my little money.....till he got some stinky
jobs...........We were passing time still school started.......He had a GI Bill that was 140 dollars
a month..........And he had a scholarship to play football.........And I got pregnant and had
Susan in 9 months and 2 hours from the moment we said "I do"..........

Speaking of History.....that is one thing I have truckloads of.........I have so much History I have a hard time trying to keep my little sail boat afloat..........In my vast sea of memories.........It is the challenge of us all.....to greet our events......deal with them......give them their just dues......and move on......... Now if it were only that easy.............The problem is......our past becomes a part of our skin.......You wear it every place you go.................It is just impossible to lose it...........Nor do you really want to............Except if you tend to the dark side...................We started out on a shoe string............And learned so much from starting with
so little............We valued everything.......My parents never had us for dinner......ever.....But
Wallys Mom had us every Sunday..........And she would always put the little left overs in a
sack......the pot. and gravy and the biscuits that were left..........Always....we not only took
a sack of food always.....but we took a car load of love from his Mom and Dad......And to say
that I adored her......would be the understatement of forever.........She loved me because I
encouraged her and helped her boy be the best he could be......I wanted him to go on his
mission........He was dragging his feet.....and really didn't want to go.....But at that moment
when the bishop called us in his office......So I could put the damper on the mission?....instead
I said.......as a little voice whispered to me....."He will be a better husband and a better father
to your children"..........And I was elated.........He was shocked out of his senses.......He was
certain I would get him off the hook.............He was the only son out of eight boys....to be
active in the church......And Wallys Mission was the crowning event in her life.....
Well this is getting way long.........Now if you would like me to go on further.......I can
....but the kids really don't want to hear any of this............They don't want to hear yesterday
.....They live in a different world.....In our world.....We as kids made our own paperdolls.....
We couldn't even buy store bought............Our snack was cut up raw circled potatoes in a
plate sprinkled with salt........That was it........But the main thing I want to say......Is We were
both so happy to be married.......I never once wanted to go back home......only to visit of
course......Wally was big on honoring your parents........And after years and years....I came
to peace with the fact.......Whatever your parents do.....It was the best they were capable of
doing at the time.......And that made sense to me........My parents did the best they could......
But......it made me want things so different.......I wanted to make Christmas huge......and
one of the reasons I loved Dad so much....was that he let me do it.....I managed all the money
because I worked in the bank.......I knew all about check books ......I knew what we had....
And If I ever did anything good at all......it would be my ability to stretch the dollar......I would
of course stay up till 2 or 3 every night sewing my little girls clothes.......I had to....when I got
6 yards of fabric for a dollar.........They always looked nice......And I felt I couldn't go to school
and make their friends or do their school work......but I could see that they looked nice......
Of course....they weren't allowed to wear pants.......It was always dresses and skirts and
blouses........But there was nothing ever that I wanted to be more than I wanted to be a Mom.............I cherished every single minute.......And I loved the guy I married.....I was always
the President of his fan club........And am still singing his praises...........He was the choicest
gift the Lord ever gave me.......He led me to him.....And whispered to us both........

I just have to go now......You can see.....I have the "Motor Mouth" disease........we'll
see how this goes.............Its kinda like a family journal...........I can't write but I can do this.....
Now if you approve............let me know........I wonder where the delete button is?..........Susan
is gone to Park City......So when she gets home I shall check........Maybe this isn't such a good
idea after all.................But you all have at different times asked me to start to write notes....
.......................Maybe not!.................This is barely a sneak peak into the window of our
yesterday...................But it made us what we are...........Love ya lots.................Gram.......

From the Cottage of Princess Buttercup.......

When I was Sixteen.......Sixty Four years ago......The light turned on in my life......
The moment I met this cute boy.......Not knowing much about him.....only that he was always
cracking everyone up and everyone seemed to like to be around him.......And my biggest
fascination with him was that he never got mad............This was a tremendous plus.......That
was huge.....Did I say gigantic?..........He simply made fun.....and saw fun in every single facet
of his life..............I could hardly believe that he was real.........He was a very handsome young
man.............He was strictly an athlete............Loved sports.......and played the drums........And
most of all...........One day at South High School .....our eyes met......And I was never really
ever the same after that.............He knew nothing about social skills......He would call me up on
the phone.......And hardly would say a word.......But a lot of What?....and Huh's?..........He was
extremely bashful.......and I thought I had met the most handsome hunk in the entire world.....
He was so bashful that he would sit at the sacrament table but would never say the blessing
on the sacrament..................Also in school........He would sit with his topic prepared but when
the teacher asked him to read it.....He would say unprepared..............
But .......I had not had much of a social life either.......He never had asked a girl out
ever.........And I had never had a boyfriend..........And so it all began..............My life took on a
different color.......It was starting to bloom........And I had a new landscape that surrounded
me.......And I started to think for the first time.......There were really miracles..........Could this
darling blonde guy be interested in me?...............He had so much hair.....that he had to have
it thinned.........And it was curly........big time.............And to be truthful......We both had so many
things in common....................I was kinda shy........also..........And neither of us came from
families that had made their fortunes............At least green fortunes...............We both came
from struggling families..............But we both seemed to have strong constitutions.........At
least I knew I did............I lived with a lot of strictness......and nothing ever was funny at our
house..............That was a drawing card for me............This family that I was being inroduced
to was......operated in force by Grama Nielsen........I called her the Sheriff.....And Granpa her
posse..........................And my Mom was timid and always afraid of my Dad.....So we all were....
My Dad wasn't cruel.....But he was not soft......He was the head of the house and everyone
stood at attention.....when he came home.......
So ......This light hearted boy that captured my heart......was fun loving.....and loved
his Mom..........And I saw in him......wonderful things..........And I have thought for so many
years........The way we met......and the certainty of the relationship that we both fell so hard
.................It had to have been just a picking up..... where we left off in heaven..............It was all
so perfect...............I seemed to be strong....in ways that were of help to him.......And he was
the smile in my life that I hadn't found until now.......And this brand new lighthearted life
with this guy that was always making jokes with everyone just cemented my feelings for
him.......................I had missed that kind of humor................He was the mortar between
my cement blocks........of the house that I always wanted............I knew that the Lord had
stepped into both of our lives..............And spoke to both of us..............I knew that .......We
were somehow meant to be................And nothing that has ever happened since.......ever
changed that fact.......................I needed him so bad.............And I just loved him so much......
that I was always in his corner............And I knew I was President of his Fan Club.......from
the beginning.................I saw such a long time ago........through the spirit.....that he was the
chosen one for me...................Never......Never......Never......Did I ever doubt it through all
the four years before we were married......and the 18 more years that I have waited for that
boy that I met so long ago.............And that I never had long enough............Because
I had to share him with so many people..............That is what happens when you meet and
marry a really great guy like him................I loved what one of the general autorities wives
said in Stake Conference.....It was Sister David Burtons wife.......She said....."We are the only
church in the world where we are sealed for time and all eternity......And spend our entire
life alone."................I wanted to stand and salute..............But all in all...........Now as I look back
on my years.............My strict home worked in my favor........I so appreciated what I was so
lucky to find............This handsome basketball star.......And this Football quarter back that
got a scholarship to BYU....even tho he wasn't elegible to play on the team and for the school
because he quit school to work for the Railroad when his Dad was called on a Mission.....
And he gave his entire paycheck to his Mom.............That was typical of the things that stirred
in his heart.......He adored his Mom and Dad....And loved his family like no other.......Out of
all the brothers......Bill.....Mort......Warren.....Norm......Ron.......And himself.......,.He was the
one that gifted his Mom with the thrill of going on a Mission and Marrying in the temple.......
And I loved his Mom......with all my heart and soul.......And she I think loved me.....because
I helped her boy......be the best he could be......I just helped..............I take no credit......He quit
school all on his own................He was good to the core...........And I always felt it was my
privelege...........It was the Lords goodness to me.............That spending the Forty two years
together...............1949-1991................It was not long enough.............But what an honor.....
really........To be sealed to someone the Lord wanted so badly to take him away from so
much love....................But the beauty of it all......Is that we are just in different places together
.................Remember that joke that Robyn laughed so hard at......When Dad repeated why
he waves to guys he doesn't know?............Because they went to different schools together?.
That is just so funny to me...............It is so like something he would make up..............
I kinda wanted to pay a little tribute to him today..........Because he was truly the
iciing on my cake.............He was the cherry on my Strawberry Sundae...........He was the
whip cream on my Pumpkin Pie..................Without him ......where would I have been?
I would have been a lost little soul......wandering around looking for him...........And yeah!
He would have been hanging out with Unc playing ball somehere............But it was hard to
ever get really Ho Hah! with him...........Because I loved him so much.................Even tho .....
one time.....when we lived up on Canyon Rim......I had 10 dollars a week for groceries.....
And could buy not even a 19 cent dust pan.....had to wash dishes under boiling water....No
soap............And no makeup................And he went and bought a fishing pole ....to go fishing
with his brothers...............He didn't even like to fish!...........Grrrrr!........13 dollars that fishing
pole cost...........And also at Canyon Rim..........They called up and asked him to go to
work on the Farm and pitch Hay..........He didn't want to..........And I said.."Wait....yes you
do"...........Even then.................I couldn't have asked for more in any way shape or form.....
Than what he gave me............I was the only girl he ever asked out on a date......Can you
believe that?......................On this little Memorial Day............You will find me being very very
grateful for every single experience that has been mine........For they all together has made
me have the thankful heart that I have...............No one has ever been blessed with as much
as I have......And I wonder sometimes why the Lord has been so good to me........I have all
that I could ever want right at this minute.......I have good health.....a little cottage that has
my name on it.......also some wheels so that I can drag State........I have enough.....and then
some...................In fact I have way more than I need.....I can never repay the Lord for his
goodness to me....................Never,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,And for my great family............I chose you all.....
you were handpicked in heaven............And because the Lord loved me so much he sent all
the ones I also wanted but couldn't have as grandchildren.......I am more than blessed....
And I couldn't live long enough to make it right with the Lord......This is a little long...........
Woah!..........Gram steady the horses........they need a drink............But please know that I
adore every single one of you...............This is Princess Buttercup still waiting for her
Farm Boy!...............In her little cottage................Love ya all..............

What a day in May!......

I tried to wait till the tide came in and everything settled and was calm.......But I have
a hunch this is not going to happen.................So amidst whatever is on the horizon we shall
feed the horses and get on the wagon..........seize the moment and yet while still under construction........pretend that I have within me.....a mind that can put on paper emotions and
an event that was filled with so much depth and meaning that this little 80 year old came close to calling 911 for emergency diapers...........My legs were starting to buckle......and I was
goin down..................Unfortunately a place where I have been many times.....But this time it
took me down to my knees in humility and wonderment......As ...the second.... the door opened....
And the light went on.......I...for a split half-second......had the illusion of heaven.....seeing a sea
of faces ........and being blesssed with eyes that struggle.......knew in my heart that all these
little eyes belonged to those whom I loved with all my heart.........Handpicked.. chosen..sacred
tiny little ones.....that came and hugged me.........I was surrounded by angels yet so pure ....
and not long from heaven..........Could my instinct be right?.................Then .....not a minute
later........I knew the truth..........Debbie handed me a blown up photo that was the ugliest
she could find.....of me.....ever.......Then I knew I was still on Mother earth............And I knew
the humor we have so enjoyed in the past.......Had gone south......or had a terrible flu.......
But it was badly in need of repair..............And whats more......She said that was what she did?
I believe Marlene told me.......They were putting her in the home soon.....period..

I think I know where all this originated.......And I want them to know......They have
stretched my heart so........I 'm not sure if I can control it anymore.......It weeps continually
......non stop............When I found out I couldn't have any more children......There just wasn't
any more up there on that little bench waiting for me........I was devistated.......But the
Lord new all along......these same choice spirits I was wanting would find their way into my
home...............and he saved them for me............Sometimes the Lord blesses us inspite of how
many mistakes we make..........How lucky are we?......That we have someone that loves us
that much?...........It is amazing to me.......when we think we are so unlovable.......that the Lord
just loves us anyway......................

To these Marthas and Marys who joined forces and helped.........I can never ....ever
......thank you enough...................It was the thought behind it that tore my heart out......And
now it is under major construction.............But I have lived long enough to know that
sometimes when we are so badly in need of Elmers Glue........It isn't meant to be repaired.....It is more valuable when we are wounded........Sometimes it is our wounds that save us........
How wise is the Lord?..............He knows us so well.........

By knowing the extra planning and expense it took to come........You have all touched
my heart in a way that I think it shall never completely recover.......But the tears are so
beautiful to me............And this is a memory I shall carry with me into eternity..........
And I promise those to whom all this is credited.......will have a treasure in heaven......that
will burn so brightly within them that they too will think their feet is often above ground......
Nothing is ever done.....ever.....that is not known by our Father In heaven.....And
there are smiles unnumbered by those we love who have witnessed this beautiful event
in another sphere in the most beautiful place of all.......

........................Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.....
As I sit in my little cottage .......awaiting my Farm Boy to rescue me......
Never again shall I witness anything but the warmth that you all have shown me.....
What a beautiful beautiful thing that you all made happen for me..........
All my Love.....forever and forever...................
Grama Wonderful......
P.S. It was a miracle enough that Rhonda figured a way to get me up and out
into where the world lives......I am not much of a traveler these days only if I might think
Armageddon is on the way............Well it was kinda......To me... in my little world of one.....
Thanks for listening........It has been a fun little chat..............Maybe we could do this again
sometime?...........Or maybe not.............Take a chance.....Dive in!!.......Got cold feet?......
Like Debra says to Ray on "Everybody loves Raymond"....."Get some sox"............

Once again......KIORA............Love ya'all..............Grama Tiki

2nd request.........Last Notice......

Brandon.......Ethan.......Susan........Haven't heard from you as to your invitation...........If it
happens your schedule is just filled .........Thats fine........But would love to have you squeeze me in somewhere..................Lovin ya!....................Grama Tiki........xoxoxoxoxoxo

Merry Christmas.....Heugly family.....

Merry Christmas ...........To everyone................

I so hope you can find a minute to see me during this next week.....I am so homesick for all of you.........Maybe you can't all come on the same day........But maybe a couple
of you can make it together?.......Or separate.......Or just whatever is convenient......that will be
just perfect.......Yes I want you to bring your little ones........I have a little gift for them.....Not so
much but enough to let them know I have been twiddling my brain to think of some little thing
that might make them know that I have been thinking of them......They are all so adorable......
But please........stop in.....Grandpa and I will be waiting...........Just let me know........If you might
could call me......That would be so great........................Loving you like always.......
Grandma Tiki.............

A LITTLE THOUGHT FOR THE 4TH OF JULY....

I hope that everyone keeps their eye on the rainbow......Sometimes it is hidden....But it is still there perfect as always.....Everything God creates is perfect......As you all are perfect.....Because you are also Gods creation..........And not one of you can be cloned.....You are each unique with your different personalities..... Each one of you possess a well of wisdom within you............But it is there, as is the love you also possess........And that love means you have a glimpse of heaven in your heart..... I heard someone say the other day.......he was asked the question...."How do you relate to young people like you do?"....He said...I reached a certain point......And it was like mentally I refused to move beyond it.......And I have been pondering that......And there might be more truth in that statement for all of us than we realize......I just believe you are on a hunt....in the beginning......Or you may call it shopping......For things to make your life worthwhile and to add things that make life worth it and that give you some answers.........That is worthy of your emotional investment.....And when you find it......You know it....And I can understand that 100%......Because when I found music, I found love all over again........The hunt was over......That was the solitude that would keep me on an even keel.......Till I could be with my sweetheart again....It was a balancer......There was enough excitement...joy.....enlightenment.....A reminder of all the memories that I had locked away......And a reminder there is an abundance of life here and beyond to look forward to.....It was an equalizer.......I think I was convinced that all stages of life are beautiful......In youth we learn.....In age we understand.....We appreciate love more....Because it is the beautifier of all things..........And when you have it in your heart....You attract it to you..........Our heart is like a giant magnet......With it we draw everyone to us....We do it all with Love .....And no wonder....as it is and always will be the greatest power on earth......And so fitting on this Fourth of July.....the day of fireworks.....We have our very own little"FIRECRACKER" (love).....Lighting up our world and being a huge Sparkler in our life....................So I guess we have a lot of good reasons to celebrate.......Happy Holiday everyone...................Lovin ya all like crazy..........Gram

How Michael's Music has helped me...

I finally surfaced again.........There is a crack in my armor.........That I can't seem to rise above...........It has taken total control of my vulnerability...........And It is my reality.......And so every now and then I have to surrender and go to that place where it is so peaceful and everything has its freedom.....We think often that we have built our wall of protection so that it is infallible........But that moment will never come for any of us..........There are none of us that stand alone in our battle with life.......However .......as in my case......the years will clue you in where ........the path to your heart has worn thin..........And you know the things that are just too delicate ......are the things that you have the hardest time swallowing....................Sometimes we are not sure what has the greatest impact on the fragile structure of our being......until we lose something.........But I know at this moment what absolutely destroys the steady rhythm of my heart........And that is certain music........But always the same performer.............When he isn't distracted by people....probably when he is recording and really concentrating............The sound that resonates from his CD's......And the slow meaningful ones........Is to me........A sound almost too precious and grand for ears not worthy on ground level..........It almost should bypass earth life and remain in a state that is celestial and the sound itself would be pleasing to the angels..............Well I finally found the courage to say it out loud........But that voice is just too priveleged a gift ..........for ears that can't feel the depth of its worth....................Even at this moment.........I can't bare to listen to just any song.......The Christmas ones are just forbidden.............I can do the fast ones.........But his heart and soul has a connection to the heavens.....And I know heavenly beings are present and accompany him and you feel something immense that you can't identify.........................Michael was assigned in heaven to bring this gorgeous voice down here to us..........They just threw in his good looks at the last minute....................That cute darling guy of ours..........Has quite an assignment...........To reach deep within us and to make us wonder where ever?.......Is beautiful talent like this born?.....................And how and why do some seem to be first in line when such precious gifts are past out?..................But in truth.........It is a burden either way................A person with so many gifts.....has to make some really hard decisions............And he has to make a lot of sacrifices..............On the other hand to those of us who were last in line.........That wonder how come?..........They learn a lot because they sometimes feel deprived...................And so they learn quickly.................."We have to find contentment in our allotment"............................OK......I'm done......enough rambling ................Anyway.......I'm back among the living.................Ready to fight another day............I have lost a lot of things........But not my ear for the most gorgeous voice...........That I'm not sure my weak and getting weaker heart has the strength to absorb most days.......Lovin ya all like crazy..................Gram ...............

Baby stops crying when he hears Michael Buble...

This you tube video says it all..Even Babies are affected by the soothing sound of his voice..

Random Thoughts...

I have a little thought I want to share with all of you.........It hit home......And helped me understand myself a little better......A French novelist...Anatole France...observed that......"All changes.....even the most longed for.....have their melancholy........for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves...........We must die to one life.....before we can enter another."...........................And then she goes on to explain all the different kind of changes we have to adjust to in our life...........A death...........a divorce.............A loss of a job.............a move..................your children starting school..............your children getting married..........losing a friend................a severe illness...............a severe accident......Probably with out any doubt........shutting the door on any one these experiences is more than devastating............And for that reason I can think of nothing that takes more skill than to handle any of these things gracefully.................There may be nothing of equal value to the quality of your life than to be able to have mastered the dignity to cope under any of these.........Some of us have experienced every single one of these...........And is it any doubt we feel so melancholy.....................Just thought I'd share.........I heard one of my friends say once......"You have to learn to bounce in this life"...........Meaning ......we can't stay down for too long........Love to you all Gram

Let's all try to bounce more and be more flex able with what life throws our way..