Twenty One years ago today................

November 14....2012...... Twenty one years that I have been in the wilderness solo......without my sweetheart.......Rhonda and I read the entire Book of Mormon and the steady and sure message you could count on was the participants going into the wilderness in between short bouts of righteousness .............And we kinda smiled about that....as it is so indicative of us all.........You must remember...when you are in the winter of your life......you have had time to process and mull over the favorable and delicious moments and the excruciating and mind-blowing moments...........Both of these are gifted to every person .........My sweetheart used to tell me....."Mom....Trouble will knock on every door sooner or later"......When I was a little girl I thought if I was good.....That knock would never come..........And I lived with that notion.....until the Lord thought I was really ready to enter the ring....that moment came.......and I was initiated into my own personal battle with my Goliath.......We each have our own... Sometimes we take on more battles than we need........Conquering your self....is the one that is essential..........then you can more easily digest the rest that is on your plate.........Sometimes our plate is brimming......that is the moment we go to our best friend...the Lord......and the peace comes and the comforter has his arm around your shoulder.........and the moment is saved until the next wave comes from out of nowhere.......comforting are the words....."He chastiseth those whom he loveth"..... Those words are more than comforting.......Those words are the bandaid for your heart that is broken..........The anti-biotic for a weeping soul......Whatever we have that is broken.......the Lord has the perfect fix......As it is prepared in heaven.... and he administers it personally........... Since the Lord prepared me.......and instructed that I must wear my armor at all times......Not only both my boxing gloves but also I need to alert every fiber of my being to the promptings of the spirit......That is my personal revelation from heaven........And I have to bear witness to you that we all have a safety net that surrounds us...if we attach ourself to it........It is there.......And it is the greatest feeling of warmth and ease that is possible to have on this earth......It is the Holy Ghost..........While it is with you.....you are heir to the closest thing to heaven possible for you to experience while still on the earth............ My life has changed dramatically..........But the changes themselves bear little weight to the intrusion of the peace that comes to you when you are taught by the spirit that you are where you should be.....doing what you are meant to do..... and the blessings that come are almost too enormous for a little gramas cottage ..... Yes............she is still waiting for her Farm BOY.....to rescue her from her wilderness.........not that it is for unrighteousness.......but that it is a place that she will never feel complete until she is re-united with her soul-mate..... " We have to find contentment in our allotment"....says Neal Maxwell..... I have.....and I am......and I will....until the Lord says.....I really ask for nothing only for my family...........They have been my life.......And I get great peace when I know.....that the Lord doesn't make mistakes.........I get strength from that...... and my testimony is what keeps me from sinking in that little rubber raft that I feel I am floating in .....My loneliness.....is a void filled with angels that I can feel but cannot see.........I know they are there......And it is the grace of heaven and my Heavenly Father that keeps on gifting me......I wonder so often......Why did the Lord pick me to find such a treasure of a man?......and then gift me with 5 volumes of scripture for me to learn about life?.........Those scriptures are my five beautiful children.......Who are the essence of what life is all about......They have been the Drama......the fun........the tears........the laughter....the danger....the mystery ..the beginning and the end of what I have become..........They have held my hand.... and reminded me of what I have learned..........This life is not about us....but it is about how quickly we can disappear from our own radar......How quickly we can forget ourselves and get invested in helping others........Is this not the Lords example to us?........Is he not to be our living example to follow?.......Is he not the greatest teacher that ever lived?........How lucky are we?......We don't have to guess about one single thing in life.....Even how to think?.....How to find answers?.....HOw to act?.........how to dress?......What to focus on?....What to avoid?......How to discern about everything?........That we can't find our security in people or things ......But in principles that never change.......People disappoint us and disappear and things wither into dust...or dry up and fade away........Principles that are born in truth are forever.....In other words ....Things that the Lord says to us.....are forever.....He will always be there for us......forever.........if we reach out to him ........Well........I felt on this day that is special to me....I could give to the ones that care.......a tiny mine-ute synopsis or just a glance into ...'Things that were...Things that have been....things that are.....tucked away down deep into the corners of the soul of one little Mom...grama....ggrama....who was given almost more love than she could handle for one life time........It is ironic.........that the very thing that almost destroys us is the very thing that pulls us in from drowning....... And that love that is God-given.... is the most precious thing a spirit can possess.... How fortunate was I?..........The luckiest little grama on earth....I hope and pray I can stand tall........that is a joke......I haven't been able to stand very tall for a number of years......I feel often like a pretzel when I walk......But I am working my foot cycle that Susan gave me.....and as long as I have the Holy Ghost and he is comfortable with me......I need not one thing......And I am so grateful....for the Lords goodness to me.......I thank him so many times a day for loving me so much.... It is time to wrap up this little footnote...are you smiling?.....I needed to vent.... You can only argue with yourself and your thoughts for so long......then you need to give it to time-out........hopefully....you will forgive me for sharing ..... Hang tough everyone..........We all are so blessed to live in this beautiful land of the free.......We are free .....That is what is important.....I love the word..... To my precious family........use your freedom wisely......You all know you can only maintain your freedom when you make correct choices.....Whatever captures us mentally or emotionally......takes us prisoner......anything except spiritually.....then it allows ua to climb upwards.....closer to the beauty that exists and radiates from heavenly things........Where there is the still of calmness and the majesty of silence that shuts out the harshness and brashness and evil of the world.....The Lord gave us all a ticket to Heaven........All he asks of us is our obedience and faith in him and his word..........How great to ....think of that reunion that will happen one day..... and with every chair filled.......no vacancies........This can happen......I know it can.............if we get off our 'Duffs'..........One foot in front of the other.... one step at a time........and if the 'bad guys' will stop trying to trip me?.....Do you too have this problem?.......I know......Satan has a huge following......and they won't leave us alone...........This time it is for real.......Kiora!........Dad says that word means whatever we want it to mean.........To you who look upon me favorably ......I say..."Jump aboard..we're off"......to you who look at me with disdain....I say.."Get thee lost"......Our goal is .....'Eternal Life'.....What can be better than that?........On this note I say 'Kiora'.......till next we meet....Grama Wonderful....